Nothing
by ElsaStoleMyPen
Summary: "Something so meaningless, just a word, but the person who went by this word meant everything to me. There is no nothing when it comes to this person. Elsa." Now, they can be united again. [ Elsanna. One shot. Modern AU. Incest. Rated T. Warning: Mentions of suicide, oh, and there's a lot of pain to come. ]


-xxx-

**Nothing**

**By: ElsaStoleMyPen**

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Elsanna, incest.

Rated T.

All the characters belong to Disney.

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**Anna**

I hope this will do as a note, I don't know what people usually write on notes before ending themselves, but this is what I am writing. I hope this is enough to say that I will miss everyone of you dearly and I treasure every moment spent with you, my friends, however, I don't want to keep on living here. I don't want to live on in the world of nothing.

Tears.

I don't understand the point of crying, droplets of salty water drip and stream down your cheeks as your eyes grow more red and puffy. But nothing happens, no matter how much I cry, everything is going to stay different and I don't want that. I want everything to be the same as before, when I could wake up to her smile, where I could hug her whenever I feel like it and when I could make her blush by whispering the craziest things in her ear, but I can't. No matter how much tears I shed, death won't let her go and she'll stay above the clouds watching and guiding me. I want her here with me. Not with mom and dad. Tears are useless.

Change.

There was nothing else for me in this world. Nothing. The snow just keeps on falling from the vast skies above me, cars keep zooming past me, Earth is always changing beneath my feet and life just goes on. Time just keeps ticking, the seconds never linger for even a bit. Everything changes in someway as usual, that means nothing has changed for them. However, I have changed, everyone around me has changed just a bit, they are not as affected by this as me, but I can see it in their eyes.

Pity.

Everywhere I turn, I see pity. The teachers look at me differently, their eyes soften and their expressions are forced. Even my neighbor, Mr. Weselton, no longer steals my paper every morning anymore, he doesn't glare at me as I walk past his open door, he doesn't scoff when I skip by him in the store, no, instead he forces his lips into a twisted smile, instead, he asks how I am, instead, he invites me in for tea.

Students in the hallways offer to help me with my books, they ask me to sit with them during lunch, they want to check if I need assistance with homework. My boss, Oaken, says I can take a break from work, he says he might give me a raise, he says I can have free hot chocolate whenever I want.

I don't even need to pay for buses, the drivers force the moisture into their eyes and say that they are sorry and they will miss her dearly, they say I can take whatever seat I want, but I don't want a seat. I want her. I need her. But all I get is pity.

Pain.

Our friends are in pain, I can tell. There eyes betray nothing, their mouths are forever set in a firm line, their muscles are never relaxed and they're always on edge. I know it's not because they feel the same type of pain I feel, they are like that, because they're afraid I will break any second, they're afraid that I immediately need comfort, what they don't know is that I'm already broken, I'm shattered to pieces, nothing can glue me back together. Every minutes of every day without her causes me to break just a bit more, I'm dying from the inside and I know it, I'm not doing anything to stop it.

Kristoff is different, he can see that I'm dying and rotting inside. He knows I don't need fierce hugs, countless tissue boxes or a life time supply of chocolate, he knows what I want. He knows I want everything to be the same as a week ago, he knows I just want to go back, he also knows he can't do anything about it and this is pain for him.

Anger.

He did this, it was always him. His stupid ideas did this, there was a time when I thought his smirk and absurd facial hair was charming. Now, I want to watch him suffer, I want to watch him beg for death, I want to watch him burn like he did to her. I want to hear his shouts of agony, I want to hear the thud as he falls to his knees like he is ready to give up and I want to hear his desperate cries for forgiveness as he slowly bleeds.

I know this won't change anything, though, he is like my tears, useless and locked up. The only difference is, my tears are free to leave my eyes whenever they like, in fact, I don't have control over that, and he isn't free to stroll out his jail cell. However, if he's gone, I will have nothing to hate, I like this hate so much, a burning desire to watch him feel the pain I am feeling keeps me alive.

Love.

No matter what, I will always love her. She was my sister first, then my best friend and finally my lover. I poured my heart out to her and I wanted every inch of her. Even through our mini disagreements and painful fights, I still loved her with everything I owned. I don't care if all I can remember her by is a large piece of stone sticking out of the soil with her name engraved on it. Her smell is slowly fading away from the sweater I wore that day she left, this saddens me even more, yet I am somehow thankful, it reminded me that I can never feel her lips against mine anymore.

Even after she put me in so much pain and depression when I stayed up all night wondering if she understood my feelings a year ago, I still loved her. Now, she's still putting me in pain, a pain so bad that it feels like I am suffocating in it and, yet, I still can't help myself, but love her with everything that's left of me.

Hans told me that very night he took her away from my grasp permanently, he said, "Love is weakness, I know what it feels like, it feels great, like you're complete and like nothing can stop you from ever leaving this person's side. You smile whenever you see the other person laugh, you try to be the one that makes her eyes shine, you try to be the one who leads her through life. She's where home is."

Then, he sighed and looked up at the stars before continuing, "But that also means putting her needs before you and that may mean you need to sacrifice things for Elsa. That means people can manipulate you, as I said before, nothing can rip you away from her, for me, that means no one else can take my place beside her, but her heart is already taken, so..."

He stopped talking, leaving me to ponder over what he meant, it only hit me when I was driving back to our home later that evening. No one knew of our relationship, no one but Kris and Rapunzel, but he knew about us. He said her name, he said 'her' not 'his', he had known all this time. I understood his unfinished sentence.

_'...So I'll take her heart away from you."_

Desperation.

After I figured it out, I had jammed my foot on the acceleration and sped past the traffic lights. Nothing could get in my way of making sure she was safe, I was too late. If I had just figured it out earlier. If I hadn't dozed off in class and gotten a detention. If I had just asked her to accompany me to hockey practice. If I was faster, I wouldn't need to feel this desperation in my stomach. I would have been able to come through the front door with a large beam on my face, I would have been able to greet her with a quick peck on the lips, I would have gotten to taste her home made dinner that was set out for me every night on the table.

I had braked my car so suddenly that I was afraid it would flip around, but that was just in the back of my mind. I remember my heart shattering into pieces, like multiple stab wounds into my heart, a pain so intense, I had fumbled for the door handle and fallen onto the cold cement as I screamed in pain, my voice slightly strangled as I choked back another sob. I had clawed at the ground in desperation, I crawled to my scorched front yard and sat among the burnt pieces of my kitchen wall.

Alone.

The smell had wafted up my nose before I actually saw what was left of everything that belonged to me, but I held onto the hope that it was just a barbecue or, as unpleasant as it sounds, maybe someone else's home. As I sat leaning against the rubble that was her room, I realized that I am still holding onto the hope that this is just a bad dream, but I know that it isn't, this is the painful truth.

I know it's all real because I'm in her room, no matter how damaged it is, it is still hers. I used to seek comfort from her in this room, always smiling when I inhaled her scent, always feeling safe when I was wrapped in her arms under the blankets, always feeling like I had someone when she ran her hand through my hair as she murmured how much she loved me in my ear.

Now? Now, I feel alone. Everything was burned, nothing survived even by a bit, all that's left is the ashes of our beds and sofa and the blackened pieces of rubble that was once our walls and ceiling. They couldn't even find her body, they say that her ashes were mixed up with the ashes of our sofa, they buried the ashes of almost everything in the house that looked even remotely like a piece of dust, that is, if you count this sorry pile of black objects as a house.

Nothing.

The words I have written above this is just what I would feel if I could actually be rid of the numbness.

As I fumbled for the door handle on my car and fell onto the floor, I felt nothing, my limbs wouldn't move and the tears just seemed to leak out without control. As I lay among the ruins of her room, I tried to catch the familiar smell of forests, her scent, just to see if I would feel anything, but all I detected was the smell of a fire. As I walked down the street and saw Hans face on a newspaper, I stopped moving and I stood standing in front of the small shop with a blank look on my face, the numbness only making it worst. As I trotted through the school, all I knew was that I was moving and I was taking oxygen into my lungs. That's all I know how to do, walk and breath, anything else is nothing to me.

When I crouched opposite her gravestone, I knew then, that from here on out, nobody would make me complete again, nobody would ever make me want to live again, nobody would make me feel anything now. The numbness is everywhere, everything is black and white except for the pictures of her on my phone. There is absolutely nothing and there is only nothing.

By the time you are reading this I will probably be on the edge of the tallest skyscraper in Arendelle, this was her favorite building. She was going to go to become an architect, she was going to get us a house in the countryside, she was going to be my everything that removed my nothing, no, she _is_ my everything, she was my air, she was my happiness, she was _my_ planet Earth. She was mine. Without air, I will not breath, without joy, I don't want to live, without Earth, I have nothing to keep me from floating away. She's gone and I'm going to float away.

I won't remember anything as I stand on the ledge, I know that because I can barely remember what I am writing. But I can guarantee you as I fall, I will smile as the cold night air pushes against my body, I will laugh, because I will soon join her, we will be together again and there will only be one word in my mind. Something so meaningless, just a word, but the person who went by this word meant everything to me.

There is no nothing when it comes to this person.

Elsa.

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**A/N**

**Uhh, I was feeling really sad when I was writing this, I read chapter 12 of Elsanna Olympics and I was in tears as I typed this out. I can't feel the inspiration to write the next chapter of AIK, but hopefully I can get it done :) **

**On a happier note, I got tumblr! My url is woahelsanna. Check it out? **

**Thank you for reading, hopefully, you enjoyed it in someway.**

**Leave a review, fave and follow!**

**-xxx-**


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